It seems unfair to be dealing with Coronavirus and still scraping our windshields. Ryder thinks Fitz is overreacting by not letting his partying teens back in the house with his pregnant wife and we get calls from listeners who agree with Ryder. In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a woman discovers her bar of soap is actually a block of cheese, the “Corn” (Porn) industry is seeing a huge spike and Claire carefully enlightens us on what women want. Fitz thinks we are going to start feeling lonely with empty buildings, but Ryder says he’s happy no one is telling him what to do. In the Hourly Bulletin, the president is sending us $1000, an elderly resident has advice from the Spanish Flu epidemic, Unemployment may expand available help, and grocery stores are offering special hours for vulnerable customers. In Sports, Russell and Ciara donate one million meals to Seattle Food Lifeline and Tom Brady is likely signing with Tampa Bay. Fitz will periodically play us Happy Sounds for Quarantine; today it’s a baby laughing. In the Fitz Files, “Big Brother” Germany contestants didn’t know about Coronavirus and Netflix now has Group Watch Party software to watch and chat online with friends. In The Good Stuff a couple scaled down their wedding from 200 people to 6 people. All Jacked Up will change the way you pee forever, plus we talk toenail clippers and monkey feet. Fitz leads us in a Therapeutic Release of the Sounds of Our Inner Anguish. A QFC Spokeswoman answers questions about grocery stores right now. Today’s Troop Salute is brothers Carl and Jacob Briels of the US Army. Fitz wants advice on how to entertain and educate his kids at home for the long haul.