We are so excited about the SpaceX launch today – the first NASA Astronaut launch from US soil in nearly Ten Years – that Fitz spends today’s show refining plans for our camera-loaded orbiting space scone: Scone-Nik One! In the What Are You Kidding stories, a rumor in China claims Americans turn COVID casualties into hamburgers; a priest social-distance-baptizes babies with a Super Soaker, a man running from cops ran into a barbed wire fence, and a woman protests wearing nothing but face masks as a bikini but we aren’t sure what she’s protesting. Drew got a blank fortune in a cookie and Fitz thinks it’s a bad sign about his new home. In the Hourly Bulletin, the Governor and Department of Health say not all counties will be ready for Phase 2 June 1, the search for a missing Kent hunter is now a criminal investigation, a bear kills two goats near Covington, the meat shortage is making life tougher for restaurants, Murder Hornet warning signs posted at trail heads were fake. In the Fitz Files, Carrie Underwood and her husband are doing a show about love, life, and religion, “America’s Got Talent” has a contestant who wrongly imprisoned for 37 years, Stormy Daniels stars in a Space Force Comic Book, and Washington Stars like Pearl Jam and Ciara are doing a COVID Benefit concert. In The Good Stuff, Una Vida Tequila is giving free bottles of tequila to out-of-work bar workers. All Jacked Up includes Ryder using dead fish as puppets, Nikki Zooming without pants and Katie who thinks this all may just be a Matrix Coma. Today’s Troop Salute is Thomas E. Cain of the US Army. Fitz’s pregnant wife demands so much Sonic Crushed Ice that she ordered an Ice machine, we hear about weird things you recently ordered like Chase, who drunk-bought a $180 Sauna Bag. Fitz has a list of the Happiest Songs of All Time but disagrees with #1, “Mr. Blue Sky” by ELO, thinking it should be “Happy” by Pharrell.