It’s finally football season and Claire’s Beer Dome (aka sofa) is open for business. First Call of the Day: Lumber Mill Patrick, who wants a new P1 name that’s more memorable, so Fitz rechristens him “Lumberjack Pat”. What Are You Kidding Me?!: a man tried to get out of his late rent by playing dead; broken car seat turns out to be a stuck sex toy; 50% of Millennial women say they have received an unsolicited picture of a man’s junk; mom accidentally shoots visiting college daughter in middle of night (she’s OK!). DNA Don’t Lie: A woman did a DNA test for her husband and found out they are actually first cousins, putting their marriage on the rocks. Hourly Bulletin: Everett parents protest school uniforms; car rolls off a trailer on I-5 and hits others; FBI warns students threats to school are a felony; State Patrol releases Labor Day DUI numbers; Seahawks back with Blue Friday Night Lights at high schools; Seahawks brass want you to manage expectations of injured stars for opener. Throwing Shade! Shade Rap Battles the World’s Issues on your behalf. The Fitz Files: Aunt Becky could be headed to Divorce Court; Kevin Hart car wreck 911 call; acapella group Home Free covers FGL “Cruise”. The Good Stuff: Our very own Haley from Promotions was in a car accident and has huge praise for the tow truck driver Mike, a Big P1 of the show, who she says helped keep her safe and calm. Make Up or Break Up: Sara from Lynwood wishes her boyfriend Dylan had a better job, but it turns out he’s a happy plumber who makes good money and she just doesn’t like it. Playlist Profiling: Hey, it’s a P1! What Have We Learned Today? That Shade Has Mad Flow Skillz!