What a day we have in store for you because it’s National Joke Day, so look out for random Dad Jokes, and we hold the First Annual Fitz Firecracker Parade featuring YOU as the fireworks! Things to Look Forward to in July include a new “Unsolved Mysteries” series, Claire’s Birthday, and the “Red White and Bull” Music Festival this weekend! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, Heinz is selling ketchup flavored ice cream (eww!), a recent poll says Americans prefer their steaks well done (more ewww!), a woman tickles her chicken to make it laugh, a man mortgages his home to pay for enlargement surgery, a pilot argues with an air traffic controller about restricted airspace and Drew tells a story about his buddy’s sunburn pus. In the Good Stuff, Claire lit a special candle on the anniversary of her Mom’s death, which in a quirk of the Jewish calendar was also her Mom’s birthday, and Ryder got a special new tattoo from his tattoo artist friend who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. In the Fitz Files, Jake Owen defends Chase Rice, Russell Dickerson does an adorable gender reveal, and Dan+Shay sing on Elmo’s talk show. All Jacked Up includes Courtney in Bremerton who smells her toenails, Stephanie who eats sandwiches crust first, and Parker from Everett who does yard work in the nude. In “2020 Said What Now?” Fitz has a list of sayings from this year that would not have made sense before “I sure enjoyed my drive-through birthday”, “I traded homemade bread for toilet paper” and “they wouldn’t let me in the bank because I wasn’t wearing a mask”. Today’s Troop Salute is Cody Gebo USAF. Fitz asks us some “Getting To Know You” questions and we learn Drew is the most likely to skip your funeral, Claire likes stupid card games, and Ryder will do anything for $5 bucks.
Fitz has been awake for two days and wants to leave early today but Mean Old Mr. Drew says No, we have meetings and stuff. It’s National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day and we extol our favorites! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a man fires a warning shot at a store clerk in a mask fight and then has a shoot-out with police, the pandemic may be the end of McDonald’s ball pits, a principal raps about Covid-19 at school to MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This”, a Karen and a Ken fist fight with two guys eating outside maskless.
Drew and Claire are in perpetual pain from moving all weekend but Fitz cheers us up with an unexpected Dad Joke about Christopher Columbus! In the What Are You Kidding Me stories, a wedding video goes viral when the Bride and the Groom’s Mom get into a shouting match, a man who lost his “unit”…