A 78-year-old Puyallup woman holds an intruder with her shotgun until cops arrive, a couple filming their proposal on the Brooklyn Bridge watches their photographer get hit by a bicycle but is more concerned over whether he got the shot, an Alabama woman sleeping during Hurricane Sally has a tree fall on her bed and the tree had a bee’s nest in it, Michael Jackson’s cousin is selling the IV that was in his arm when he died, and the CDC recommends cancelling Halloween and we predict how that will go down here in Washington State with Governor Inslee.
Fitz In The Morning – What Are You Kidding Me?! Stories of the Day
A parrot squeaks like a dog’s chew toy when it’s head is petted, the average American is caught somewhere on a camera 34 times per day, the Journal of Science feels the need to warn people not to make their own DIY Covid Vaccine, the strippers of Atlanta have united for a campaign from their poles to get you to the voting polls, the new Zoom school trend is pretending to be kidnapped on screen, and is McDonalds’ all-day breakfast gone for good?
A couple has their dog stolen at gunpoint by a carful of teenagers, Sizzler has filed for bankruptcy so we are all heading to Southcenter after the show, statistics show the pandemic has caused a lot of breakups, Scotland is facing another toilet paper shortage, an Idaho woman who was the surrogate for a couple in China has been now raising the baby for 4 months because they can’t come to the US to get him, and the CDC issues a recommendation to cancel not just Halloween parties but even trick-or-treating altogether.
A guy who takes a used car salesman on a test drive at 123 mph and won’t let him out of the car is arrested for kidnapping, a Hawaiian surfer who lost his surfboard in 2018 finds out it washed up in the Philippines, Gucci is selling $1400 overalls that come pre-grass-stained, a prisoner escapes through a sewer ala “Shawshank Redemption”, a guy who tries to give a fake name on a DUI arrest gets busted when the cop remembers him from high school 20 years ago, and a man is arrested for repeatedly threatening the renters at a neighboring Airbnb with a shotgun.
A Florida teacher asks parents to stop cussing, smoking weed, and walking around naked during Zoom School, a new app lets you to pay people to video spy/stalk for you, a woman pulled over with a suspended license and outstanding warrants says she has to go #2 really bad so she takes off and leads cops on a chase, a man caught cheating lets his girlfriend punish him by clamping his junk in her hair straightener, a restaurant in Denmark has robot waitresses, and the Ignoble Prizes have been awarded for stupid scientific studies like a knife made of frozen poop and how alligators sound when they inhale helium.
OK Cupid has a “VILF” badge to remind you that voting is sexy, a man sues a major coffee chain for severe burns on his junk from extremely hot coffee, a 11-year-old has to remove his mask at school because it’s from Hooters, Louis Vuitton has a mask for $1000, the new TikTok trend is filing your teeth with a nail file, and a woman in Alabama films a 12-foot gator her yard.
An adorable Alaskan Malamute argues with a talking toy hamster, a woman sitting on a city bench gets thrown in the air when a garbage truck picks up her bench and now she is missing, a human brain washes up at Lake Michigan, a man calls a company to file a complaint and the operator calls him names thinking he was on hold, a man claiming to be Jesus tries to skip out on paying train fare, and Sean Hannity can’t pronounce “Despacito”
Several New Jersey-ites report a UFO that turns out to be the Goodyear Blimp, a police helicopter pilot learns while in the air that he’s tracking the guy who stole his truck, Miller Lite announces the “Can-Tenna” which is a can that gets local digital TV, a toy store employee is fired for playing Cardi B’s “WAP” on the store music system, a student is late for Zoom School because she was walking her chicken, and a guy cutting down a tree drops it through his roof.
A Minnesota Mayor is arrested for interfering with a police pullover and we hear video of the officer saying he’s had 5 warnings about this, a stretching coach loses it when her client farts while in a deep stretch, a burglar breaks into a home and drops a dooky in the dishwasher, an angry KFC customer jumps on the counter demanding free food, a Florida town passes legislation fining people for low-hanging butt-crack pants, and the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will be a TV-only event with no live crowd.
Franzia is selling a backpack with an entire box of wine and side-dispenser for a box-on-the-go, Seattle’s air quality is currently the 2nd worst in the entire world behind Portland, a new study claims thick thighs could mean lower blood pressure, a town near Buffalo, New York, mistakenly sent out an extreme caution alert on 9/11 at 9:11am, a man tries to claim religious beliefs to skip wearing a mask in a store but is shut down by a super calm store clerk, and a crowd is unsurprisingly concerned while watching a failed rocket launch which crashes back to earth.